Yearning
O’Connor and Sussman (2014) note that, “Yearning is an emotional state widely experienced in situations involving loss, focused on a desire for a person, place, or thing that was treasured in the past.” The Four Phases of Grief were designed by Bowlby and Parkes, in 1980. Dr. Bowlby brought his experience in attachment theory and Dr. Parkes contributed his experience with human information processing to create the foundation of the four phases of grief.
- Shock and Numbness – When a loved one dies, the survivor will experience a period of shock that develops into a numbness that can last for a few hours or days. This numbness is a natural coping mechanism that allows the survivor to continue functioning during the period of intense pain.
2. Yearning and Searching – Soon after the first phase, a survivor will begin to experience ‘strong feelings of yearning’ for the deceased and stress about life without that person. In this phase, people are able to take care of basic functions and responsibilities.
3. Disorganization and Despair – The survivor will begin to contemplate the loss and all of the events preceding it. This contemplation is usually conducted in a way where the survivor ponders if they could have done something to alter the eventuality of the death.
4. Reorganization and Recovery – As the survivor experiences fewer cycles of Phase 2 and Phase 3 they will eventually begin to reinvest their energy into forging a life routine that doesn’t include the deceased. The survivor’s feelings of grief surrounding the loss of their loved one are slowly replaced by positive ones.
Source: https://livingobservance.com/stages-of-grief
Phase 2 - yearning and searching
(Bowlby & Parkes 1980)
- Most dominant from two weeks to four months after the death.
- Individual yearns for their loved one to come back, hearing a baby cry, longing for presence, hunting for smells, sights and sounds of the deceased.
- People often feel they are “going crazy.”
- Support from, and connection with family and friends may have decreased, and perhaps the time that families may seek a support group or online support.
Symptoms most prevalent from two weeks to four months:
- Searching for answers
- Being preoccupied with the deceased
- Looking for someone to blame
- Having bizarre thoughts, feelings or dreams
- Experiencing pains, loss of appetite, headaches, insomnia, heart palpitations
- Feeling jealous toward others with intact family
- Anger and guilt
- Restless and impatient, irritable
- Resentment, bitterness
- Universal signs of grief: sighing, tears
- Searching mentally for the loved one
- Having anxiety attacks, sensitive to stimuli